Servant Leadership Is Sexism in Disguise

For years, women have been encouraged to embrace servant leadership—a concept that often disguises itself as empowerment but instead reinforces outdated gender roles. It places the burden of doing it all on women, limiting their ability to lead effectively. Come with me as I unpack how servant leadership has held women back, share my personal journey of breaking free from it, and offer practical strategies for setting boundaries, delegating, and stepping into badass leadership instead.

Servant Leadership is a Guise for Sexism

Servant leadership has been praised as the gold standard of effective leadership. It’s supposed to be about putting the needs of your team first, fostering collaboration, and creating a culture of support. But for many women—myself included—it has been nothing more than a trap disguised as empowerment.

I grew up in a Judeo-Christian household where servant leadership was not just encouraged but expected, especially for women. It wasn’t framed as a professional growth strategy; it was a life philosophy that not so subtly reinforced that women should be the invisible force holding everything together. It meant picking up the slack, filling in the gaps, and making sure everyone else succeeded - even at my own expense. At work, I was expected to be the glue holding things together, ensuring every project stayed on track. At home, I was expected to manage household responsibilities without question.

The worst part? I didn’t even realize how deeply ingrained this was in me until I started shedding those expectations. When I hired my first assistant and my first housekeeper, I felt a mix of guilt and empowerment—guilt because I had been conditioned to believe that I should be able to do it all, and empowerment because I was finally stepping towards my full potential. And that’s when I realized: servant leadership wasn’t just a philosophy. It was a form of sexism in disguise.

Women Are Programmed for Servitude

Servant leadership might seem like an inclusive, people-first approach, but when you take a closer look, it disproportionately burdens women. The concept suggests that the best leaders are those who prioritize service above all else—who work tirelessly to support and uplift others. But let’s be real: when society talks about servant leadership, who do they expect to serve? Women.

From a young age, women are conditioned to be nurturers, supporters, and enablers. The messaging is everywhere—in families, religious institutions, schools, and workplaces. We are praised for being selfless, for going the extra mile, for sacrificing our own needs for the good of others. Meanwhile, men in leadership are celebrated for being strategic, decisive, and bold. They delegate. They set boundaries. They say no. Women, on the other hand, are told that being a great leader means absorbing extra work, keeping everything running smoothly, and ensuring that everyone else shines - even at the expense of their own success.

This expectation seeps into the workplace in insidious ways. Women are often expected to take on unpaid emotional labor - mentoring junior employees, organizing team events, smoothing over conflicts, and picking up slack when others drop the ball. Meanwhile, men who focus on high-level strategy without getting their hands dirty are seen as “visionaries.” This double standard is exactly why servant leadership, as it’s commonly applied, is just another way to keep women in supporting roles rather than at the helm.

Servant Leadership Holds Women Back—At Work and At Home

The expectation that women should lead through service doesn’t just affect careers, it spills over into every aspect of life. The belief that leadership means constantly doing for others makes it nearly impossible for women to set boundaries, delegate, or prioritize their own needs. It creates a cycle of overwork, burnout, and, ultimately, stagnation.

In the workplace, women who embrace servant leadership often find themselves doing everything, but receiving little credit for it. They’re the ones staying late to finish the details no one else thought about. They’re the ones making sure projects stay on track, managing relationships, and keeping the team motivated. Yet, when promotions roll around, the loudest, most assertive voices (the ones who weren’t busy filling in the gaps) are the ones who get ahead.

At home, the story is no different. Women are still expected to manage the bulk of household and caregiving responsibilities, even when they work full-time. We’re told it’s just part of being a good mother, a good wife, or a good woman. I used to believe that too. I ran a business, worked 70 to 80 hours a week, parented a teen sibling, organized events for my church, and still felt obligated to cook, clean, and manage a household on my own. Why? Because I thought that’s what a good leader did - took care of everything.

This mindset is exactly why servant leadership is a trap. It convinces women that they must bear the weight of everything, that delegation is a weakness, and that saying no is selfish. But the truth is, this isn’t leadership.It’s unpaid labor dressed up as virtue. And the sooner we recognize it, the sooner we can break free.

Breaking Free: My Journey From Servant to the C-Suite

My shift away from servant leadership wasn’t an overnight revelation—it was a gradual, sometimes painful, process of unlearning and rebuilding. For years, I thought that being a strong leader meant being everything to everyone. I handled all the details, made sure things ran smoothly, and filled in every gap—at work, at home, and even in my community. I was burning myself out, but I didn’t see an alternative.

The first step in breaking free was recognizing that leadership isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing what matters most. I remember the moment this lesson hit home. I had just bought my first dishwasher, and I could hear my father’s voice in my head telling me that there was no need for an appliance—he already had seven dishwashers (his daughters). For a split second, I felt guilty. Then, I felt liberated. That simple purchase symbolized something bigger: I didn’t have to do it all.

From there, I started making bigger changes. I hired a housekeeper. I brought on an assistant. I set boundaries with my time, both at work and in my personal life. And let me tell you, my world did not fall apart. In fact, my career took off. I had more energy, more focus, and more time to invest in what truly mattered. Instead of being weighed down by countless tasks, I was able to step into my role as a strategic, high-impact leader.

The shift wasn’t just about delegation, it was about rewiring my mindset. I stopped equating leadership with servitude and started embracing leadership as power. Power to make decisions. Power to set the vision. Power to say no. And as soon as I made that shift, I became a better leader not just for myself, but for everyone around me.

What Real Leadership Looks Like (Hint: It’s Not Servitude)

The best leaders aren’t the ones who do everything—they’re the ones who know what to focus on and what to delegate. They set the vision, make tough decisions, and hold people accountable. They don’t exhaust themselves trying to be everything to everyone. And most importantly, they don’t let guilt dictate their leadership style.

Look at how successful male leaders operate. Do they stretch themselves thin picking up after everyone? No. They delegate. They invest in support systems. They focus on strategy and execution, not micromanaging every detail. They know that leadership isn’t about service - it’s about effectiveness. But women? We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth as leaders comes from how much we do for others. And that’s the trap.

Real leadership is about power - not in the cutthroat, exploitative way we often associate with the word, but in the ability to drive results, create impact, and shape the future. It’s about being in control of your time, energy, and focus. It’s about making the biggest difference without sacrificing yourself in the process. And if we want to break glass ceilings and claim our place in leadership, we must shed the outdated notion that being a good leader means being a good servant. It doesn’t. It means being a badass.

The moment I stopped seeing leadership as service and started seeing it as power, everything changed. I stopped overextending myself, started demanding the same respect and authority as my male counterparts, and watched my career accelerate. I didn’t just become a better leader - I became a more powerful one. And that is what real leadership looks like.

Step Into Your Power: Practical Steps to Lead Like a Badass

Breaking free from the servant leadership trap takes more than recognizing the problem—it’s about taking intentional steps to reclaim your power. If you’re ready to shift from overworked supporter to badass leader, here’s how to start:

1. Set Boundaries Like a Boss

The first step in stepping into your power is understanding that your time and energy are valuable. Stop saying yes to every little task just because you can do it. If it’s not a high-impact responsibility that aligns with your role, delegate it or say no. Make it clear what you will and won’t do, both in the workplace and at home. Your time isn’t infinite, so protect it fiercely.

2. Delegate Without Guilt

Successful leaders don’t do everything themselves. They build strong teams and empower others to take ownership. Delegation isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strategic intelligence. Hire help at home if you can. Train your team to handle what they should be handling. The more you delegate, the more time you have for actual leadership.

3. Drop the "Good Girl" Mentality

Women are taught to be accommodating, agreeable, and selfless—but those qualities don’t make for strong leadership. Being a great leader sometimes means making tough calls, setting high expectations, and not worrying about whether everyone likes you. Stop playing small. Stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. Your job is to lead, not to make everyone else’s life easier.

4. Own Your Authority

If you want to be respected as a leader, you have to act like one. Speak with confidence. Make decisions without apologizing. Take up space in the room. Too often, women wait to be invited into leadership roles while men just step into them. Stop waiting for permission and claim your place at the table.

5. Define Success on Your Own Terms

Forget outdated definitions of leadership that require you to be in service to everyone else. Ask yourself: What kind of leader do I want to be? What do I need to thrive? What does success look like for me? Then build your career (and life) around that and not around what others expect of you.

The truth is, sexism isn’t always obvious. Sometimes, it comes wrapped in well-meaning concepts like “servant leadership,” making you think you have to earn your right to lead by sacrificing yourself. But leadership isn’t about service—it’s about impact. And if you want to create real impact, you need to lead like a badass, not like a servant.

So, ditch the guilt, drop the outdated expectations, and start leading on our own terms. The future of leadership isn’t about servitude—it’s about power. Are you ready to claim it?